I’ve had this blog post running through my mind for days, but I was too uncomfortable to share. What if they think I’m a fraud, what if they think I’m a loser? How could I possibly be training for a half-marathon and gaining weight? However, when I read Roni’s new post, about the real raw emotions that lead to binge eating I felt like less of a weirdo freak that uses food to self-medicate. Her post was so honest and made me feel like I wasn’t the only person in the world who felt that way. I feel like, I have a special talent to help people through my blog, and if my sharing my struggle can help someone as much as her post helped me, then it’s my duty to be honest and share with you. When I went to the doctor for “mystery illness X” (it’s not kidney stones, ok great, but what is it?), she asked me “What’s up with the weight gain?” It was official, it wasn’t just a pound to two here or there, it was “weight gain.” *sigh* It’s weird, like I want to lose weight, but I don’t want to count points, or calories, or carbs or portions or anything else. I just want to be normal sometimes. I just eat when my body says I’m hungry, and not because I’m stressed or tired or stuffing down emotions with sweets.
I’ve been under a lot of stress working on a real estate business venture outside of my real job and Running Into Shape. And I’ve been so busy/stressed/tired that it’s too easy to slip back into old unhealthy habits. Muffins for breakfast, sweet caffeinated drinks to wake me up, “treating” myself to big lunches because I “deserve” it for working so hard, and eating the holiday desserts ALL OVER the office because they “taste good” and grabbing greasy fried fast-food for dinner because it’s “convenient”…. Well, this new fat roll on my side, is real living proof that all of that emotional eating is anything but a “convenient tasty well deserved treat.” I used to date this guy that always said, “Yeah that SOUNDS good.” And that’s about it, it only sounds good, but it reality, it’s nothing good about using food as a “convenient tasty well deserved treat.” The reality is I need to start re-programming my mind to realize that eating healthy “feels good” to my body, that it’s a real “treat” to get on the scale and see the numbers go the other way and that I “deserve” the happiness that comes with maintaing a healthy lifestyle!