For the past couple of days I’ve mulled around in my miserable fatness. I did not want to sprinkle my raindrops on you if you were having a sunny day so I decided not to post a blog entry. I was so frustrated that I’m gradually gaining weight back. Yesterday, I convinced myself that two hotdogs wrapped in pretzels from Annie Anne’s and two cookies from Mrs. Fields at the mall would somehow make me feel better. Miraculously, they did while I ate them, and ironically made me feel equally as bad as soon as I was finished.
Since I tremendously enjoyed the book “A Course in Weight loss” as recommended by Oprah, I decided to try the book she recommended “Women Food and God” to give me a new perspective. Honestly, I was pretty disappointed. Not only because I feel scammed that she starts off the book explaining why the book is not about God, but I felt that she was trying to secretly brainwash me into attending her off kilter fat camp seminars. I know that that sounds kind of harsh, but that’s how I felt about it. Then she occasionally threw in the “F” word to make sure you were still awake. However, I maintain my theory that you should gain at least one good Golden Nugget from everything you read and experience. She often reiterated the idea that it doesn’t make sense for us to believe that we can hate ourselves and hate our bodies into losing weight. Saying negative things and repeating constant self degrading messages in our minds will not logically produce the desired effect of a happy thinner version of yourself. It made me pay attention to the negative monologue that loops in my mind about me and my weight. After sitting down last night and really thinking about it, I just realized that you gotta do the work. There is no easy way out of this. I have most of the tools, and the knowledge to lose weight. It won’t be easy or fun. Anything worth having takes a lot of work to maintain. I decided to focus on what I am good at, which ironically is working out, running and writing. No matter how tired I was today, I was going to do Week 3. Despite the fact that I went to a wedding out of town and missed my weekend routine, I still wanted to run with week three. As soon as I got off work I came home changed into all black fitness clothes and made my way to Forest Park. I was a little intimidated by the three minute runs but there was no way I was going back to week two. I picked a scenic route that would keep me distracted from the burning sensation in my calves. I “wrote” this post in my head over and over to keep my mind off of running. The last three minute run interval was tough, but just as I felt like I couldn’t run anymore; a group of about 5 jogging ladies smiled and cheered me on. I believe that God sends little reminders and encouragement right when you need it. It felt so good to complete all of the intervals without stopping. So that’s my goal for the next week focus on the things I’m good at, and maybe the other things will fall into place.