If you’ve read my blog for a while, you know my story. The first time I lost 50 pounds with Weight Watchers in college, I was so happy that I learned how to control portion sizes and I thrilled that I was finally “cured.” I quit going to meetings (I know how to count points right?) and I slowly crept back to my previous weight and then some. Years later, when I realized that I wasn’t cured, I joined a hospital weight management program that focused on stimuli narrowing. I would have a protein shake for breakfast, a salad for lunch and a lean meat with veggies and half cup of carbs for dinner every day. In addition there was a doctor and a nutritionist to monitor your food diary. Each week we met in a group session with a behavior counselor. After I lost about 30 pounds, I joined a fitness class designed specifically for overweight individuals. Once I became physically active, and gained some confidence, I started running. Then I started this blog as way to share (brag about) my 5K training progress and losing 52 pounds in about 6 months. The hospital program was great, but very costly (Like $100 a week). I couldn’t afford it anymore and my weight loss stalled once I incorporated new foods and I couldn’t attend the weekly sessions.
I kept the weight off for a couple years, and now I have gained much of it back. I’m almost embarrassed to say that after the weight gain, I tried my hand in different fad diets, like HGC drops and the lemonade diet. And even as recent as a few weeks ago I almost bought diet pills. I was just tired of being fat, and still secretly chasing after a non-existent cure. Through the years, I grudgingly accepted that I’m an emotional eater (happy, sad, bored stressed, it doesn’t matter.) I’ve even accepted that I need help to stay on track, and joined weight watchers again. But, the one thing I didn’t want to accept was that I would have to deal with this every day for the rest of my life. It just seemed totally unfair. I can run a real estate business, earn multiple degrees, have strong family relationships, work full time as a paralegal, finish a half-marathon, but I can’t stop eating cookies?! It just didn’t make sense to me. I did not want to accept that being an emotional overeater would always be a part of me. I want it fixed, to wake up skinny and never have to worry about being fat again!
I’ve been attending church and studying and growing more spiritually. I even downloaded a bible app on my iPhone. They have plans about different topics and give you daily scriptures. I chose the Addiction plan, because as much as I hate to admit it, I have a food addiction. I’ve jumped over that acceptance hurdle. However, I hadn’t been reading as suggested, and got a reminder email from the app. The scripture for the day was so profound, and I understood addiction in a new way that I never understood it before. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 said that your handicap is actually a gift. I realized that, despite the fact that I struggle, I continue help thousands of people around the world learn to run and lose weight with my blog and podcasts. If I never had this handicap, I wouldn’t be inspired to help others reach their fitness and weight loss goals. Lastly the scripture talked about how the guy prayed and prayed for God to remove it and God said “my grace is enough and my strength comes into it’s own in your weakness.” So, I realized that it’s not that God doesn’t hear my prayers, but he purposely put this struggle on me as a gift to draw me closer to him, and he won’t take it away. If I didn’t have this flaw, and was naturally thin, I would have such a big head and think I was too hot to touch! But, God uses this to keep me grounded and inspire others.
When I think about my favorite weight loss bloggers, they are all smart beautiful people who excel in many areas and even after reaching goal weight still struggle with food daily. Like Oprah said, you can have all the money in the world and when you can’t fit your clothes it’s not worth a thing. God uses addictions to keep us in constant touch of our limitations and remind us that we need to rely on him. Does this mean I’m doomed to be fat forever? Of course not, but it means that until I humble myself and accept that I am not the Almighty Carli Fierce who can do anything by myself, then I won’t succeed. So, as they suggest in AA, find your higher power that is greater than you. For me it’s God, for you it might be “the universe” or whatever you call it. When I felt tempted to overeat today, and I wanted to go to the new donut shop I found around the corner, I prayed “God, thank you for my gift and show me that you can help me through this.” I easily said no thanks to the free fresh baked cookies in the office kitchen and had a salad for lunch. Change is a process, and I’m learning to accept who I am and accept my handicap/gift and move forward in my life ….
What Did Carli Eat Today?
B– Uncle Sam Wheatberry cereal mixed with Fiber One Cereal (sprinkled with splenda)
L– Huge Grilled Chicken salad
S– Lime and Salt 
D– Tilapia fish with Sweet Potatoes and Pineapple Fruit water that I made.
Carli, this is a great post. You have a wonderful attitude and you have indeed helped so many people, including me, to start running and get fit. Your positivity is really inspirational. All the best x
Thanks Angela!! I know you’ve been reading for a while. Glad to know you’re still there! have a great weekend 🙂
Thank you for sharing your daily struggles and positive attitude. I am trying to follow your lead and make poitive changes. I have cut way back (goal of zero) on diet coke and joined a Sunrise Boot Camp three days a week (lucky me it is held at the beach at 6:30 am). I have a loooonnnnggg way to go, but one day at a time.
Angela B, I wasn’t feeling too postive over the last few days so that’s why you could hear crickets chirping over here on my blog. LOL I try to be mindful of my platform, and I didn’t want to write negative stuff everyday. Now, that I’ve studied and got a little insight I was ready to share again. Way to go on cutting back the soda, you can do it! It gets easier…..so jealous of the beach!
Hi Carli,
I stumbled across your website in my quest to “like” running. I am quite impressed with your attitude and motivated by your story. I have struggled with weight all my life and only recently begun a love affair with fitness. I have lost 70 pounds and stalled out with 30 to go. Thank you for reminding me to take it one cookie at a time. It is truly a minute by minute struggle. I am now on Week 3 of the couch to 5k and loving your podcasts. Keep it up!!! You are my hero.
Awww Eva, that is so sweet! Your hero? Woooooow.. WAY TO GO with the 70 pounds. You can do it, and running will make you feel great.
Carli, this couldn’t have come at a better time. I have downloaded your C25K years ago and still enjoy the music! Thanks for sharing your struggles, it let’s us know we’re not alone.
Loved your post. That’s the spirit. “Let and let God.”
Hi Carli,
I’m in week 3 of the C25K podcast and it has helped immensely! My friend first told me about it but I was frustrated trying to figure out how to “time” the changes but your podcast ques and music has made it much more “doable”.
This post about addictions totally hits the nail on the head! I completely relate, especially that feeling that this will never go away. What a great perspective!
I am thankful for God’s wisdom and your willingness to let Him use you for His greater good!
God Bless!
Christy
Hey Carli-
Thanks for the inspiration! I have been using your C25K podcasts and just completed my first 5k this morning. The music has finally gotten me up and moving and doing something I wasn’t sure I could do.
Thanks so much for your honesty and inspiration with your blog. Like you mentioned, you may struggle but through those struggles have helped so many of us become more active and healthy. We thank you for that!
Best of luck on your continued journey! I know you will continue to be a success and keep reaching your health and fitness goals.
Hey Christy! Glad to know I’m not alone in the struggle, and that I was able to share the right message at the right time! Keep up the good work, I hope to add you to my wall of fame soon!
Mama you’re da best!!! Thanks for commenting! I can’t wait for us to try some new recipes!
Michelle! Congrats!! Welcome to the club! Keep on running don’t stop. You can focus on increasing speed. I hope you find a race in your area so that I can add you to my wall of fame.
Hi Carli! I just finished Week 6 Day 2 (I am not quite sure why Day 1 was so difficult, but I am really looking forward to Day 3 to jog continuously!). I am not overweight, but I do love to eat (my friends say I have a hollow leg). I have always been a member of the “clean plate club” and eat because the food tastes good, and not because I am hungry. I never really thought I had an addictive personality but now you have me thinking. I’m addicted to the taste of the food. Perhaps the next time I think I really want a bowl of ice cream I will stop and have a chat with God instead. And when there is still food on my plate, I will take a moment to listen to my body telling me I have eaten enough. As I lied in bed this morning, contemplating not getting up to run, I could hear your voice in my head saying, “don’t think of excuses to not run, think of reasons TO run”. Thanks for dragging my sorry butt out of bed!