As soon as I heard the news reports about the bombings at the Boston Marathon, my heart instantly hurt for the participants. My first thoughts were “Oh my God, after months of training they didn’t get to finish?” “Were any my Fierceling Fan runners participating in the race?” When you’re a runner, you feel like you belong to an elite community; because in a sense, you do. I read that only 1% of people actually complete a marathon (26.2 Miles) in their lifetime. The incredible amount of discipline and dedication it takes to train for a race is what makes runners special. I always try to find the good, even in awful stories like this. The best story I came across was about a 78-year-old man, who was knocked over by the explosion. He suffered minor injuries, but he got up and finished the race! Runners don’t quit. His story and the stories of all the impromptu heroes that helped bandage and carry those injured, showed human kindness amongst the uglyness of the tragedy.
I’ve finished a half-marathon, and have goals to complete a full marathon. But, for now, I’m training for my next 5K, the Graffiti Run in June. Today is Weigh In Wednesday, my once a week weigh in to monitor my progress. Last week was such a good week for me. I focused on being healthy, not just getting skinny, and lost a couple pounds. This week some unhealthy food slipped in. I’m taking notes of the foods that really trigger me to eat more and make me feel out of control. Of course I know cookies are a trigger but I learned that ice cream is too. I’m always the one that wants to test the system. Maybe if I eat a small amount of ice cream, I’ll be fine. But I was wrong, after eating it, I all of sudden wanted cookies and I wanted fries and had a taste for a sweet drink. But part of me is still in denial, I just don’t want to be one of those weird people that say crazy stuff like I’m allergic to sugar. I want to be able to have bite of ice cream without it turning me into the fat monster that HAS to have more. But, you know I guess that’s life. I want a million dollars and world peace, but sometimes you have to work with what you’ve got.
I didn’t know what the scale would show me, I jumped on and then off quickly as if that would make a difference. You know, like when you keep pressing the elevator button once it’s already been pressed? You know that realistically, its not going to make it come down any faster, but you feel more involved in the waiting process. Jumping off the scale quickly made me feel like I might sway the number it displayed. I gained .4 pounds. Not too bad, it actually could’ve been way worse with all the constant cravings I felt. But I’m getting tired of playing around with this weight loss thing. Tried of gain a pound, lose a pound. I just want to DO it.
I’m reprogramming my brain again, focusing on healthy, because it’s so easy to slip back into, I just want to be thin and look good. Today, I’m focusing on the Serenity Prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (I’m an emotional overeater), Courage to change the things I can (I can follow a food plan where I eat wholesome foods that reduce the cravings and help me make better decisions) and Wisdom to know the difference. (just because I struggle with food doesn’t mean I have to lose the battle.)