Yesterday, I had a follow-up doctor’s appointment. Usually, I’m filled with so much anxiety throughout the day of a doctor’s appointment about getting on the scale. However, today I had a fair amount of confidence because I’ve been putting in the work and committing to a healthier lifestyle. I still weigh myself once a week at home on Wednesdays, so I knew I was down a couple pounds. My personal trainer Dan said that this first month wasn’t really about getting physical results, but preparing my mind and body for the adjustment of a healthy lifestyle change. Our goal this first month was getting in the gym regularly and making gradual adjustments to my diet plan. He hasn’t had me step on the scale nor taken any measurements since our first meeting.
At my last doctor’s appointment, the doctor essentially told me that I must lose weight or I will become diabetic. I told her that I hired a personal trainer that I work out with twice a week, and that I work out once a week on my own, and that I was eating better. She looked at my chart and said “you’ve lost 7 pounds in six weeks?” with a very judgmental tone. As if she wanted to ask, couldn’t you have done a little better? I told her about the New Food Plan where I eat 100% healthy on most days and have two cheat days during the week. “And you eat junk food on these ‘cheat days’??” she said questioningly. “Well yeah…I guess” I sort of stumbled over my words. “Yesterday was my cheat day, I ate Burger King.” She just sighed and typed her notes. She asked about the types of exercise I did with my trainer. I guess that passed her test, because she didn’t have a comment. She checked my blood pressure and said she’d see me back and three months.
Don’t get me wrong, I like my doctor. She was not rude or mean, I just felt kind of judged. I felt like she was saying “I’m pretty sure you could’ve lost more than 7 pounds and junk food is awful and you should never need to eat it.” I have accepted my truth. I am very much an emotional eater, and I wanted to leave and stuff my face with ice cream to make me feel better. The only reason I didn’t was because it was Thursday (a non-cheat day.) But I was thinking, maybe it is a dumb plan to eat junk food twice a week, maybe I should’ve lost more than 7 pounds in a month and a half. Maybe I’ll just go home and watch Breaking Bad on Netflix instead of going to the gym tonight. Unfortunately, I let HER tell too much of MY story. She doesn’t know me for real, she doesn’t know my story. She doesn’t know my struggle. You can’t tell an emotional eater that’s more than 100 pounds overweight, “just eat healthy all the time.” IT DOESN”T WORK! Well, not for me anyway. I’ve tried a million times to be perfect and eat perfect.
I lost 7 pounds in six weeks! That’s amazing! My trainer has shown me a food plan that I actually feel is manageable. I don’t have to count/track/or weigh anything, and I don’t have to feel guilty on a cheat day. I thought I would wake up on Cheat Day and eat big fancy cupcakes or McDonald’s sausage biscuits from the drive thru for breakfast. I was so excited to eat anything guilt–free. Then I realized, I never eat cupcakes for breakfast, and I quit eating pork many years ago, so why in the world would I start now? LOL. I even stuck to my word and passed up my favorite food, fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies at lunch on Cheat Day! I’m actually losing weight, my body is stronger and it feels great! Even if I continue to lose just over a pound a week for the next year that’s almost 60 pounds. If I have confidence, gain control of my eating and lose 60 pounds by this time next year I’m pretty sure I will be thrilled, and so would my doctor. I can’t get back the gym time that I lost from sulking on the couch with Heisenberg. And of course my Gym Cousin called by 10 pm wondering where in the heck I was, But I’m learning the important lesson that I can’t let other people tell my story, not even my doctor.