I realize that not all of you are fat, but some of you are overweight. And
really, please don’t take offense. I’m actually posing the question to myself. Why are you fat Miss Carli? I figure deep down inside there must be a part of me that enjoys carrying around the extra pounds. I know it sounds ridiculous, but logically, there must be something about it that I like that I’m holding to. There must be some part of working out 5 days a week and eating burgers and fries for dinner (that was yesterday) that I like.
My little sister and I were sitting around while we were supposed to be going to gym and starting discussing our weight. It was so funny because she had the
same reasoning that I had. She said there must be something about it that I
like, if I continue to stay like this. On some level this must work for me.
Honestly, I’m kinda scared. I wonder if I lose all the weight and become “the perfect 10,” then what? What will I do with all the emotions I currently shove down with food? Will I become a smoker? a drug addict? a mean evil person? I don’t even know who I am without “overweight” being a part of my description. I don’t have any good answers for you guys. Just random thoughts going through my mind. This post may not make sense to anyone but me. But, if it does feel free to leave comment and let me know what you think?
If you won the prize title of Obese, or even Severely Obese (*raises hand*), why are you there?
The cool thing about losing weight is that you have the opportunity to reinvent your identity, in a sense. I lost 45-50 lbs. a couple of years ago, and I took that as a new chance at life to be more who I want to be. Don’t get me wrong: I am not where I thought I’d be today, either. BUT I am healthier and happier, and THAT is a part of this identity that I have embraced. You can do that, too!
Juanita that is such a brilliant point. I hadn’t really thought about it that way. I get to reinvent myself. Happier and healthier is definitely where I want to be. Thanks for your comment.
You somehow always seem to write about the same random things that run through my head!! I am currently wondering why I continue to keep myself in this body that I am in. I eat and exercise well all week then drink too much wine and make bad decisions at restaurants all weekend. I end up on Monday the same place I was the previous Monday, even though I was working towards the “me” I want all week long. I wonder too if I am afraid of where my emotions will go. I once lost 30 pounds in my 20s. I felt and looked amazing. Somehow I gained it all back plus about fifty pounds. Now in my 30s, I have the knowledge that I can be healthy and fit because I have been there before. What I don’t know is why I keep sabotaging myself. Thank you for giving me even more to ponder about this. I was focusing on changing my habits – maybe I should be exploring the emotions of those habits. Not just the bad emotions, but the good ones too. Apparently there is something that my brain likes about this (I hadn’t thought of it that way before).
Robyn, thanks so much for your thoughtful comment. I have certainly gained back the weight I lost and then some. I too remember how good I looked and felt physically and emotionally. Now I’m trying to figure out how to get it back. Good luck in your journey! We can do this.