Last week was really tough for me emotionally. Leaving a job is hard, even if you’re ready to go. The partner at the firm never directly acknowledged that I was leaving, he just gave me massive projects with fast deadlines. One of my co-workers looked like she wanted to cry on my last day. And, during my wrap-up meeting with the Human Resources lady, she gave me a hug! That is the last person in the world, I thought I would hug. On top of all of that, I had the anxiety of starting a new job. Will I be good enough, will I know enough, what if they don‘t like me? Somehow I managed to revert back to old ways and feed all those happy/confused emotions with snicker doodle cookies and ice cream.
My lawyer friend had a get-together Saturday night, and I ate countless appetizers and homemade pound cake with ice-cream. I even brought pound cake home with me. I’m surprised I didn’t go back to my ultimate food high, a honey bun and a Mountain Dew. Unlike the Texas trip where I consciously ate unhealthy foods, this time I felt out of control. But, the weird part was the food didn’t taste as good. You know that mmmmm melt in your mouth feeling when you eat delicious calorie laden sugary food? It wasn’t there, it wasn’t the same. That was strange. I took the cookies to my parent’s house to get them away from me and took the pound cake to my sister. I cooked a couple meals for dinner during the week to avoid the fast food trap.
I was so scared about weighing in because I wasn’t emotionally prepared to see the scale go up again, knowing that I lost control for a few days. I didn’t want to let myself continue in a downward spiral. I didn’t take a break between jobs and I was scheduled to start my new job at noon on Monday. I ran some quick real estate errands and went to the gym. I hadn’t been to the gym in forever, I wasn’t even sure if I could still do the elliptical machine. Much to my surprise, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. It wasn’t hard at all really. I pedaled fast and hard towards the end of my 30 minute routine. When I had about five more minutes left, my Little sister walked in. We were both shocked to see each other. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming we asked each other? I forgot she was out of school for President’s Day, and she assumed I was at work. It would have been a lot less boring to have someone to chat with, but I’m glad that we both had enough motivation to go alone.
When I got to my new job, they treated me to lunch and introduced me to my team. Everything is structured and organized, the way a law firm should be. The office building consists of three converted historic townhomes, so my office has a fireplace and sliding pocket doors. It’s so cozy. It’s really easy to veer off the food plan, and hard to get back on. But, slowly but surely I’m getting back to regular tracking and away from insane eating. Just this weekend I discovered that the Weight Watcher e-tools are available on my Blackberry. All of this time, I thought I had to have an android phone to get the app. I could smack myself upside the head for not knowing that. After my 1st day of work, I went to the store, and got lost. I had to go home and let Nyah out, and the WW meeting would have been over by time I got there. I was so upset that I missed that accountability, but also relived that I didn’t risk allowing the scale to stress me out. I’m still working on detaching my emotions from the scale. The good news is that I have been tracking my points again, and the scale at home shows weight loss. My Sister told me that, God grants and new mercy every day, and I say every morning WW gives me fresh new points to use. Even if I fall off the wagon, I can climb back on.
Just wanted to offer hugs. Ironically, the meeting you missed out on was about stress eating! We all have those times in our lives where we turn to food. The good thing is that you realized it and got back on track. Don’t beat yourself up over it!
If you want me forward you what my leader sent to me (she sends us something every week) just send me an email and I can forward to you. She also includes recipes!!!
Every day is a new day. This journey will give us so many opportunities to realize and analyze our imperfections. It seems like you’re taking the time to try to make sense of why you do what you do with food and I think that is so important. Huge kudos to you for being willing to be so honest with your life even when you’re not perfect. It’s why we love you and why I keep coming back to check to see if you’ve updated because you inspire me to keep chugging along despite my own slips and falls along the way. I hope this week is better. Forget that… I KNOW this week will be better.
This is our year. We can make positive changes in our lives and be healthier and happier.