get back up again

Yesterday I was completely panicking about today’s weigh in.  Earlier in the week I was doing so well, that I freaked out.  I told myself, that I have to eat sugar,  I can’t be one of those weird people who don’t, why should I deprive myself of something that tastes so good?  I deserve to eat yummy food. Maybe I’m just not cut out to be thin.  You can’t have everything right?  The rest of my life is good…  So, I ate a strawberry cheesequake ice cream blizzard and a cheeseburger. (It made me sick to my stomach and made me mentally feel like crap before, during and after I ate it.)  It was almost like I was scared by my success, and did some sort of sick self-sabotage.  I know that’s absolutely nuts, but it’s the truth, and I’m glad I’m at a point where I can understand and admit my truth.  Once I wrote it out, I understood where the feelings came from and I was able to deal with it.  I didn’t beat myself up about it.  I just started over in the morning.  I prayed that God go with me throughout the day and help me with my food choices.  I reminded myself that it’s a lot easier to stick to a healthy eating plan when you eat healthy food.  When you eat desserts you want more desserts.  I have to make a sacrifice, which means giving up something you love for something you love even more. Yesterday, I actually craved a salad.  Well “craved” might be a strong word choice.  But I definitely wanted a salad and I didn’t want anything sweet.

I was still worried about the Wednesday weigh-in though, because before I got my mind right, some McDonald’s had slipped in too.  I was hoping two horrible meals would balance out with the rest of the really healthy week.  I went to the gym after work for an extra boost.  There were TOO many people in there.  I had to struggle to find an available locker and then wait for a machine.  I thought about just leaving and going to the less crowded YMCA, but I already had on shorts and a tank top and it was a bitter cold 19 degrees and snowing.  I knew if I got back in my car, I was going home. So, I waited and did the elliptical for 30 minutes and then I was ready to go home, I didn’t feel like waiting for a treadmill. I was tempted to weigh myself when I got home.  But I put in too much effort to break my unhealthy relationship with the scale.  I wasn’t going to start that foolishness back up again.  I will weigh myself once a week on Wednesday only, I reminded myself.

This morning I told myself, regardless of what the scale says, I will use it for information, not judgment.  I decided that I’d be super happy if I just stayed the same.  I stripped from head to toe.  I wished I could have taken my hair weave out, that’s gotta weigh about a pound.  To my surprise and delight, I lost another pound.  Whew! This means I lost 9.6 pounds since the beginning of the year. I was ecstatic.  I was reminded that I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to keep trying.  Even though I stumbled (twice) I got back up!

1 Comment
  1. Way to keep plugging away! I applaud your determination and strength. Keep up the great work! Thanks for motivating the rest of us to keep going!

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