Yesterday I was completely panicking about today’s weigh in. Earlier in the week I was doing so well, that I freaked out. I told myself, that I have to eat sugar, I can’t be one of those weird people who don’t, why should I deprive myself of something that tastes so good? I deserve to eat yummy food. Maybe I’m just not cut out to be thin. You can’t have everything right? The rest of my life is good… So, I ate a strawberry cheesequake ice cream blizzard and a cheeseburger. (It made me sick to my stomach and made me mentally feel like crap before, during and after I ate it.) It was almost like I was scared by my success, and did some sort of sick self-sabotage. I know that’s absolutely nuts, but it’s the truth, and I’m glad I’m at a point where I can understand and admit my truth. Once I wrote it out, I understood where the feelings came from and I was able to deal with it. I didn’t beat myself up about it. I just started over in the morning. I prayed that God go with me throughout the day and help me with my food choices. I reminded myself that it’s a lot easier to stick to a healthy eating plan when you eat healthy food. When you eat desserts you want more desserts. I have to make a sacrifice, which means giving up something you love for something you love even more. Yesterday, I actually craved a salad. Well “craved” might be a strong word choice. But I definitely wanted a salad and I didn’t want anything sweet.
I was still worried about the Wednesday weigh-in though, because before I got my mind right, some McDonald’s had slipped in too. I was hoping two horrible meals would balance out with the rest of the really healthy week. I went to the gym after work for an extra boost. There were TOO many people in there. I had to struggle to find an available locker and then wait for a machine. I thought about just leaving and going to the less crowded YMCA, but I already had on shorts and a tank top and it was a bitter cold 19 degrees and snowing. I knew if I got back in my car, I was going home. So, I waited and did the elliptical for 30 minutes and then I was ready to go home, I didn’t feel like waiting for a treadmill. I was tempted to weigh myself when I got home. But I put in too much effort to break my unhealthy relationship with the scale. I wasn’t going to start that foolishness back up again. I will weigh myself once a week on Wednesday only, I reminded myself.
This morning I told myself, regardless of what the scale says, I will use it for information, not judgment. I decided that I’d be super happy if I just stayed the same. I stripped from head to toe. I wished I could have taken my hair weave out, that’s gotta weigh about a pound. To my surprise and delight, I lost another pound. Whew! This means I lost 9.6 pounds since the beginning of the year. I was ecstatic. I was reminded that I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to keep trying. Even though I stumbled (twice) I got back up!