“Operating out of fear means that you will always be scared and running for your life, instead of being in alignment with your life.” ~Oprah~
I mentioned in my last post that I have a new “special friend” a great guy that I’ve been dating for a couple weeks. So, today, he sent me a text saying “You mentioned several times that investing in something that you don’t know where it’s headed isn’t something that you want to do…so do you think we should pump the brakes and talk less?” I really had to think about it. This guy has taken me out a couple times, paid for everything, treated me with respect, catered to doing things I enjoy, invested a lot of time getting to know me, and has been incredibly honest. What the heck is wrong with me?! What more could I possibly want after 2 weeks? Why was I constantly telling him that I intentionally wasn’t willing to put my best foot forward, even though I knew that he was? And then I realized that I was operating solely out of fear, and comparing him to horrid experiences from the past. You never know where relationships or friendships will end up, but is that a reason to never get new friends or never allow yourself to genuinely care for someone? Of course not….I went to weigh in on my lunch break, I’ve lost 9 pounds total. YAY!…
On my drive back to work, I called and I explained to him that in my last really serious relationship, the guy was a liar, a thief and an alcoholic amongst other things. But, my sprecial friend had not given me any reason to believe that he was any of those things. He understood where a lot of my emotional brick walls came from, and I told him that I would allow myself to invest just as much as he had. So are we getting married and live happily ever after? Who knows? But, what I do know is that when I look back on it. I can say that I didn’t let fear run my life.
When I left work today, Cardinal Fever and an excited energy was in the air since we are in the playoffs. There were people everywhere dressed in red and the sun was shining on a freakishly warm October evening. I felt good that I had stopped allowing fear to drive my decisions and decided to enjoy the weather by walking in the park. It was beautiful outside, low 70’s. I climbed the giant hill for a boost to my walk circling the big water basin fountain. The sun was starting to set, but Nyah and I were able to walk about a mile and half before it got too dark. I must say, I had a great day.